I was coaching someone the other day, and we were discussing why affirmations don’t seem to work for them. Affirmations are powerful words or phrases you say to yourself (often out loud) to confirm your strengths or encourage yourself down a positive path.
For instance, you might say:
- “I am a good mother.”
- “I exercise to celebrate what my body can do.”
- Or even use your word of the year, such as “Grow,” as a guiding light or daily reminder.
These can be incredibly uplifting, but what if they don’t actually work for you?
Why Affirmations Can Fall Flat
Affirmations rely on belief. They only work when your mind is willing to accept them as truth. If you’re saying something like “I love my body” but deep down you don’t feel that way, your brain pushes back. It might even amplify the negative thoughts you already have, creating a cycle of resistance and mistrust.
It’s like putting a motivational poster on your wall that says, “You can do anything!” but every time you see it, you roll your eyes and mutter, “Yeah, right.” Instead of motivating you, it serves as a constant reminder of the gap between where you are and where you want to be.
Fixed Mindset vs. Growth Mindset
There’s a principle I teach in coaching about the difference between fixed and growth mindsets:
- A fixed mindset focuses on limitations. It makes you feel stuck and hopeless, like nothing can change.
- A growth mindset is all about potential. It encourages positive thinking and opens the door to possibility.
For example:
- Fixed mindset: “I hate my job.”
- Growth mindset: “I love my job!”
Affirmations are rooted in a growth mindset, but here’s the catch: if jumping straight to the growth mindset feels like a lie, it won’t work. Telling yourself “I love my job”, when you clearly don’t, can backfire. It can make you feel like an imposter and erode the trust you have in yourself.
The Power of Moving Through Neutral
Instead of leaping from “I hate my job” to “I love my job,” try taking a neutral step first. Neutral thinking allows you to acknowledge your current reality without attaching emotions to it, creating space for growth.
For example:
- Fixed mindset: “I hate my job.”
- Neutral mindset: “I have a job.”
This shift doesn’t force positivity; it just states a fact. Neutral thinking feels true, and that’s the key—it helps you build trust with yourself.
How to Practice Neutral Thinking
Here’s how to practice moving from fixed to neutral thinking:
- State Factual Observations
Focus on what’s objectively true. For example:- “I make $50,000 per year.”
- “I have a manager.”
- “I work with four team members.”
- Avoid Qualifiers
Don’t add emotional labels, whether positive or negative. Resist the urge to say:- “I only make $50,000 per year.”
- “I have a horrible manager.”
Instead, keep it neutral: - “I make $50,000 per year.”
- “I have a manager.”
- Shift Toward Possibility
Once you’re comfortable with neutral statements, start exploring positive possibilities. For instance:- Neutral: “I have a job.”
- Positive: “My job gives me financial stability and the chance to grow.”
Reframing Fixed, Neutral, and Positive Thinking
| Fixed Mindset | Neutral Mindset | Positive Mindset |
| I hate my job | I have a job | I love my job! |
| I only make $50,000 per year | I make $50,000 per year | I make an awesome $50,000 per year! |
| I have a horrible manager | I have a manager | I have a supportive, encouraging manager! |
| I have 4 terrible team members | I have 4 team members I work with | I have 4 fun team members who collaborate with me! |
Making Affirmations Work for You
If affirmations haven’t worked for you in the past, don’t give up on them entirely. Instead, adjust your approach:
- Start Small and Neutral
Begin with statements that are true and neutral to avoid resistance. For example:- Instead of “I am confident,” try “I am learning to build confidence.”
- Look for Evidence of Positivity
Once you’ve shifted to neutral thinking, start seeking evidence that supports a more positive outlook. Ask yourself:- What’s one thing I like about my job?
- How has my job helped me grow?
- Reframe Negative Self-Talk
When you catch yourself thinking something negative, challenge it with a neutral or positive alternative. - Use Affirmations as Aspirations
Think of affirmations as goals rather than absolute truths. For instance:- Instead of “I am happy,” try “I am working toward happiness every day.”
- Be Patient with Yourself
Changing your mindset takes time. Celebrate small wins and give yourself grace as you navigate this process.
The Bottom Line
Affirmations can be a powerful tool, but they’re only effective when they align with where you are in your mindset journey. By starting with neutral thoughts and gradually shifting toward positivity, you can build trust in yourself and open the door to meaningful growth. Remember, it’s not about jumping straight to “I love my life!”—it’s about taking small, authentic steps that feel true and achievable for you.
If affirmations haven’t worked for you in the past, don’t lose hope. Your mindset is a journey, not a destination. Neutral thinking is your bridge to get there.
Let’s Shift Your Mindset Together
Are you ready to take control of your mindset and start building a stronger, more positive foundation for yourself? Let’s work on it together! Whether you’re looking for personalized support or actionable strategies, I’d love to help.
👉 Comment below: What’s one fixed mindset thought you’re ready to reframe?
👉 Reach out for coaching: If you’re ready to dive deeper, let’s connect! Your first session is free, and we’ll create a plan tailored to your goals.
Remember, small shifts lead to big changes. You’ve got this!