Okay, let’s talk about imaginationships.
This is what happens when your brain builds an entire relationship…
with someone you’re not actually in a relationship with.
A celebrity.
Someone completely unreachable.
A recent ex.
Or yes—even a situationship that exists more in your head than in real life.
Welcome to Deluluville. Population: all of us at some point.
My First Imaginationship (and the Harmless Kind)
Let’s start light.
My first (and still!) celebrity crush: Jeff Goldblum.
Did I swoon? Absolutely. I mean, look at him.
Did I imagine myself as Geena Davis in Earth Girls Are Easy? Of course.
Did I ever believe, in reality, that Jeff Goldblum and I were going to randomly meet and fall in love?
Nope.
And that’s the key.
I didn’t know Jeff Goldblum. I knew the characters he played. The charm. The vibe. The imagination was fun, harmless, and grounded in reality. Still doesn’t stop my heart from fluttering when I see him now—especially in his silver fox era—but it stayed exactly where it belonged: fantasy.
When Fantasy Meets Reality (and Falls Apart)
My first real-life crush was a guy I’ll call Dave.
From a distance, he seemed attractive, outgoing, funny—the kind of person you imagine yourself being “the girl” of. I wanted him to notice me. I built a whole storyline around who I thought he was.
But then I actually got to know him.
Turns out? Kind of a jerk.
And just like that, the fantasy dissolved. Because once reality showed up, the imaginationship couldn’t survive. And honestly? That’s a good thing.
When Potential Becomes the Relationship
Imaginationships get trickier—and more painful—when you’re actually in a relationship.
Sometimes, you’re not dating the person in front of you.
You’re dating their potential.
You ask about their future—what they want after retirement, where they see their life going—and their answers are vague. Or worse, clear… and you’re not in the picture.
That hurts.
So what do we do?
We start filling in the blanks ourselves.
We build future plans that could include them if they wanted to join. We imagine a version of the relationship where they grow, evolve, and meet us where we are.
And sometimes, they step into that imagined future—not because it’s truly theirs, but because it’s easier than creating one of their own.
That’s when you realize something uncomfortable:
They’re not imagining a future with you.
They’re imagining themselves inside your imagination.
That’s an imaginationship.
Imaginationships Don’t Just Happen in Romance
This doesn’t only happen in dating.
Imaginationship friendships are very real.
You see each other’s social media posts. You comment, laugh, react. You feel close—closer than you actually are. You assume shared values, deeper connection, emotional safety.
I once had a friend where we literally laughed about this exact thing: how we felt closer online than we were in real life. And when we were honest with ourselves, we realized something else.
We didn’t really like each other as much as the versions of each other we presented online.
That’s not a failure. It’s awareness.
When Situationships Become Imaginationships
Situationships are prime breeding grounds for imaginationships.
You have just enough hope—maybe even a little—that one day they’ll choose you.
But listen closely to their words.
They’re guarded for a reason.
They avoid clarity for a reason.
They don’t imagine a future with you.
You’re not their partner.
You’re their temporary person while they search for what they actually want.
And that hurts—but it’s information.
What an Imaginationship Really Is
In an imaginationship, you’re not dating the person.
You’re dating the idea of them.
The potential version.
The “they could be amazing if…” storyline.
Your brain fills in the gaps.
You replay conversations that never happened.
You imagine future moments they never agreed to.
And here’s the tricky part:
Imaginationships feel safe.
No real conflict.
No real rejection.
But also… no real connection.
The Shift That Changes Everything
If this hit a nerve, you’re not broken.
You’re human.
The shift isn’t shame—it’s awareness.
Because real relationships live in reality, not fantasy.
They’re built on clarity, consistency, and mutual imagination.
You deserve someone who is actively choosing you—not someone you’re quietly carrying in your head.
And when you let go of imaginationships, you make space for something real.